Discover Kylianna’s powerful story, which highlights the complexities of identity and the importance of representation in the ongoing dialogue around transgender issues. A vital narrative within the context of Black History.
Image by Unsplash
The terms “transsexual” and “transgender” both refer to aspects of gender identity, but they are not synonymous and can have different meanings.
- Transgender is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide range of gender identities. It refers to individuals whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. This can include people who identify as male, female, both, neither, or somewhere along the gender spectrum.
- Transsexual is a more specific term that historically referred to individuals who seek medical interventions, such as hormone therapy or surgery, to align their physical bodies with their gender identity. However, this term is used less frequently today and can be considered outdated or stigmatizing by some within the community.
It’s important to use the terms that individuals prefer when referring to their identities, as personal preferences can vary. Today, “transgender” is more commonly used and accepted.
Kylianna’s story deserves to be heard, especially amidst the ongoing conversations surrounding transgender issues. By republishing it here on The Narrative Matters, I aim to shed light on the complexities of identity that many may not fully grasp. Her experience is not just significant in its own right; it also holds an essential place in the broader context of Black History.
I never would have imagined that I would survive being shot, contract HIV, undergo multiple surgeries, and find myself being interviewed by a man I met at a party. Yet, here I am, grateful for his ability to articulate my thoughts and calm my nerves as I share my story.
I met the reporter from The Newsletter a few years ago at a party. He was incredibly kind to me, standing out in a crowd that was all too aware of my journey as a man transitioning to a woman. We were at a gathering for a mutual friend in downtown St. Louis, and I could feel the stares and whispers from the straight attendees. It was quite amusing, really.
At that time, I was simply a female impersonator, and my straight friend Mary had invited me to cater the event. Her invitation went viral on Facebook, causing her guest list to shrink from 95 to 50, but she still had a fantastic turnout—especially after she openly announced that her caterer was transgender.
Cooking is in my blood. My late mother ran a snack shop on the south side, and I’ve loved it ever since. (I can already hear the speculation about my identity—good luck figuring it out, lol.) I earned my culinary degree from Forest Park Community College and spent some time at Le Cordon Bleu.
Despite my passion for cooking, I worked part-time at a fast-food joint earning just $8.39 an hour to make ends meet. Then came the hatred, the disease, and a near-death experience—all because I dared to live authentically. (By the way, I just have to say, The Newsletter has beautiful hands—something many trans individuals admire. I can’t believe I’m saying this, lol.) – Kylianna
You’ve now heard from Kylianna, whose name has been kept confidential, but if you know her well, you might be able to guess her identity. We met at that party, and shortly after, she found my site while signing up for a WordPress account.
She left a message expressing her desire to discuss her experiences as a transgender person, trusting that I could convey her message effectively. Given the recent violence against transgender individuals—such as a trans woman who was stabbed 119 times and murdered in Mississippi, and another who was beaten just for watching a fight—our conversation feels especially urgent.
Just last week, there was a scandal involving singer Bobby V., who was filmed leaving a transgender woman’s apartment, allegedly after failing to pay for services rendered.
I was online last night debating with someone about the correct pronouns for transgender individuals. I emphasized that if someone is transitioning to the opposite sex, they should be called by their preferred pronouns, regardless of what straight or even some gay people think. If you’re not open-minded about this topic, I recommend you stop reading now.
How are you doing today? I see your hair looks fabulous as always. Now, take a deep breath and share your story with us—don’t hold back. Start from the beginning.
Oh my gosh, where do I start? I grew up in a household full of women without a father, always a bit more feminine. Cooking was our main activity. My mother, a country girl from Arkansas, moved to St. Louis in the ’60s and worked in white households before deciding to open her own snack shop.
I left home at 15 and lived with a plus-sized gay man for many years. He introduced me to Route 3, where I struggled to maintain jobs. If you’re familiar with the strip clubs in Brooklyn, IL, you know what I mean. Route 3 runs through Cahokia, East St. Louis, and other areas. My work conditions were often grim, surrounded by trans individuals engaging with closeted men and hustlers.
My roommate connected me with some generous men who helped pay for my education, my mother’s diabetes medication, and even a small car so I wouldn’t have to rely on public transport anymore. However, things took a dark turn when one of the clients I carpooled with had my car shot at.
I was hit in the arm, but she wasn’t harmed, and I made sure she compensated me for my suffering. This is how my journey began; I never performed as a drag queen or illusionist because I always believed I was a woman.
What prompted your decision to transition full-time?
You ask great questions! I’ve always felt like a woman, even after dropping out of school. I faced bullying from both girls and boys, and my mother was often too busy to provide support. Breast augmentation, sex reassignment surgery, and rhinoplasty are incredibly expensive.
Contrary to what you see on shows like Fox’s ‘Star,’ transitioning isn’t an easy journey in real life. It took me nearly 11 years to complete my transition, and while I have no regrets, it was a struggle. As my idol, Eartha Kitt, would say, “Here’s to life!”
With all the talk about Trump’s ban on transgender individuals in the military, what are your thoughts?
Honestly, I’d prefer not to discuss it. A guy I met at the clinic while being treated for HIV is currently dealing with that situation.
Sure, let’s shift the focus to HIV.
Absolutely, let’s talk about it. HIV is no joke. It can cause significant health issues, especially with changing weather. One day you might wake up with a headache, and the next you could be in the ER with severe diarrhea.
HIV serves as a warning that your body is undergoing changes, and AIDS is always lurking. I was fortunate to learn of my HIV status right after my surgery; otherwise, the doctors might not have allowed the procedure. I was dating a married man at the time, and we were both engaging in risky behavior.
His wife eventually left him, and he checked into a treatment facility, and I haven’t heard from him since. Luckily, I had supportive friends who assisted me during this challenging time, including sending me to Texas for treatment.
My T-cells are stable now, and I encourage others to avoid drugs, alcohol, and stress. I’ve lost many dear friends to AIDS due to substance abuse. If you stay clean, you can live for years after an initial diagnosis.
Thank you for sharing that; I know it wasn’t easy. I’ve also lost friends and family to AIDS. I used to work as a CNA at Doorways, so I understand the struggles.
Now, regarding the situation with Bobby V.—what are your thoughts?
It’s messy. A true transgender or transsexual person respects themselves and doesn’t expose others like that. What happened there is a violation of trust. If Bobby V. likes trans women, that’s his choice. If he was supposed to pay her, she could have handled it more discreetly. He seems unfazed by the backlash, but I see straight women and gay men getting upset.
Maybe the gay men are frustrated because they can’t have him, and the straight women are envious of his looks. But he isn’t the only straight man who engages with trans women. Some people are just trying to exploit situations for money. I’ve encountered numerous straight men myself, and I always used protection. The HIV might have come from shared needles, but I took precautions.
What do you think about individuals like Bruce Jenner transitioning after living a straight life?
Caitlyn Jenner doesn’t represent my struggle. She’s wealthy and will remain so. Her transition seems more about seeking attention after her family gained fame. In my view, she’s a confused individual who doesn’t reflect the challenges many of us face.
Having lived in St. Louis your whole life, what changes have you noticed since your transition?
Honestly, not much has changed for me. I see more celebrated transgender individuals on television now, which is encouraging, but St. Louis still has a long way to go. Most of us here prefer to keep to ourselves rather than get involved in the drama you see in places like Atlanta, NYC, or California.
Those scenes can be chaotic. Many men know we are trans, yet they still pursue us. If guilt sets in, some might feel the need to harm us to keep their secret. I’ve learned to be upfront with my partners about who I am, which helps avoid complications.
Why do you think some straight men are attracted to trans women, while gay men may not be?
Because we often embody the qualities they wish their wives or partners had. We present a glamorous, exotic, and sexy image. Some straight women might think every man desires them, but the reality is that men now have more choices, and that can be difficult for some to accept. I don’t want to sugarcoat it; there are many complicated dynamics at play in the dating world. Gay men often see trans women as just another female, which complicates their attraction.
What’s the difference between transgender and transsexual?
They are often used interchangeably, but transsexual typically refers to someone who has had surgical procedures. My doctor once treated a straight man who wore his wife’s clothes but never desired another man; he was classified as transgender. After transitioning, I still encounter people who refer to me as transgender rather than using the pronouns she or her, lol.
Thank you for sharing your story—it’s truly compelling. I appreciate you allowing me to bring your experiences to light.
Thank you, sir. I’m grateful for this opportunity to share my journey. I hope it fosters understanding and reduces the hate directed at our community.
Kylianna currently resides near Atlanta, where she is receiving comprehensive care for her condition. She hopes to return to St. Louis one day to visit her family and place flowers on her mother’s grave.
This interview was published on Word Press July 21, 2017, Kylianna succumbed to her illness after moving to Atlanta, Ga in 2019, right before COVID-19. Her true identity is still unknown. (Updated: Kylianna could have possibly died due to exposure to COVID-19)
Kylianna’s story, transgender identity, Black History, personal narrative, LGBTQ+ representation, complexities of identity, resilience, inclusion in narratives
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