Why Diaspora Families Live In Denial: In private we are in pain

Discover the hidden struggles of diaspora families and why they often choose to live in denial. Explore the pain behind closed doors and the effects it has on their lives.

As an immigrant father or family living in the diaspora, it is crucial to ask ourselves whether we are truly listening to what our teenage youth are going through. A recent report from the Global Fatherhood Foundation highlights alarming issues like alcohol and drug addiction, mental health struggles, poor parenting skills, a disconnect from family values, marriages falling apart, teenage pregnancy, suicide, failure to finish college, persistent anger with parents, vulnerability to sexual exploitation, exposure to pornography, and homelessness.These issues are real and growing. While 80% of parents admit they don’t think their family has a problem, the situation continues to worsen. This denial only widens the gap between parents and youth, making it harder for teenagers to find the support they need.

Why Aren’t We Listening?

As immigrant families, we often bring strong cultural values and expectations to our new environments, which can make it difficult to accept that our children are struggling. In many cases, we believe that providing a stable home, discipline, and education should be enough. However, the reality is more complex, and today’s youth face unique pressures—both from the new culture they live in and from the expectations of their families.

What Our Teenagers Are Facing

Substance Abuse: Alcohol and drug addiction are increasing among teens as they try to cope with the stresses of fitting in or dealing with their identity struggles. If parents don’t openly talk about these issues, teenagers may seek solace in harmful behaviors.

Mental Health Issues: Depression, anxiety, and stress are rampant among young people today, and they can be exacerbated by cultural expectations, academic pressures, and the lack of emotional support. Teens may feel like they’re failing their parents, and in turn, they feel isolated and disconnected.

Poor Parenting Skills and Disconnect from Family Values: Often, immigrant parents may struggle to balance their traditional values with the new culture their children are growing up in. This can create a disconnect, leaving teenagers feeling misunderstood or caught between two worlds.
Marriages Falling Apart: When immigrant parents face relationship challenges, children often bear the emotional brunt. Marital struggles can destabilize the family and make it harder for teens to navigate their own issues.

Teenage Pregnancy and Vulnerability to Exploitation: Teens may be vulnerable to unhealthy relationships, sexual predators, or pornography, especially if parents aren’t aware of what’s happening online or in their social circles.

Academic Failure: Dropping out of college or failing to meet academic expectations is a growing problem, especially when teenagers are overwhelmed by societal pressure, family expectations, or mental health struggles.

Anger with Parents: Persistent anger or resentment toward parents is common when teenagers feel that they aren’t being heard or understood. The generational and cultural gap between parents and their children can fuel this tension.

Homelessness and Suicide: These are the tragic outcomes of youth who feel utterly lost and unsupported. When young people feel like there’s no way out, they can end up homeless or, in the worst cases, take their own lives.

Why We Need All Voices at the TableThe reality is that many of us as parents do not recognize the gravity of these problems. But it’s not too late to change. We need all voices at the table—parents, youth, educators, community leaders, and mental health professionals—to start accepting that these problems exist and to develop solutions that truly support our children. Denying or ignoring the problem will only make it worse.

Steps We Can Take to Support Our YouthAcknowledge the Issues: The first step is for us as parents to admit that these problems exist, even if they haven’t manifested in ways we can see yet. By accepting this reality, we can begin to take action to prevent these issues from spiraling out of control.

Listen Without Judgment: Teens need to know that they can talk to their parents without fear of judgment or harsh punishment. Create an environment where your teenager feels safe opening up about their problems, whether it’s about substance abuse, mental health, or academic struggles.

Seek Help and Guidance: We must be open to getting help, whether through family counseling, mental health services, or community support groups. Sometimes, professional guidance is needed to help teenagers navigate their challenges and for parents to learn more effective parenting skills.

Create Ongoing Conversations: Make discussions about mental health, drugs, relationships, and sexuality part of ongoing family conversations, rather than one-time talks. By normalizing these topics, you can build trust and openness with your teenager.

Balance Tradition and Adaptation: It’s essential to honor your cultural traditions while recognizing that your teenager is growing up in a different world. Find a balance that allows them to embrace both their heritage and their current environment without feeling pressured to choose between the two.

Strengthen the Family Unit: If there are marital struggles or instability in the family, working on the relationship between parents can directly benefit the children. Strong family foundations provide a sense of security that teenagers need during difficult times.Be Aware of Their Online World: Know what your child is exposed to online. Educate them about the dangers of pornography, sexual predators, and unhealthy online relationships, and be proactive in guiding them toward safe and responsible online behavior.

Encourage Education and Support Their Dreams: While education is important, we need to be more open to understanding the pressures our children face. If they struggle academically, instead of imposing strict consequences, work with them to find solutions, whether it’s academic support or exploring alternative paths.Why We Need a Robust Community ResponseThis isn’t just a family issue—it’s a community issue. We need to break the silence around these topics in our immigrant communities and create a supportive environment where youth can thrive. Schools, religious organizations, and community groups can all play a role in raising awareness and providing support to families and youth.By bringing all voices to the table, we can begin to reverse the troubling trends we are seeing and build a future where our children feel heard, supported, and empowered. The time to act is now, and it starts with accepting that we have a problem and working together to find real solutions.

#DiasporaStruggles #FamilyDenial #SilentSuffering