Exploring the unspoken pain of grieving a less-than-perfect parent and finding resilience through authenticity.
Award-winning author, educator, Navy veteran, certified life coach, and accomplished speaker Kelli Ware has released a groundbreaking book titled Unconventional Grief: Grieving the Loss of a Less Than Perfect Parent. Known for her passion for transformational leadership, women’s empowerment, and the power of authenticity, Kelli has dedicated her life to helping others navigate difficult emotions and emerge stronger on the other side.
Born and raised in the DMV/Washington, D.C. area, Kelli grew up in what she describes as a life of duality—both troubled and loving. Her father, an Army veteran, and her grandmother were her foundation and guiding lights. Yet, like many, her childhood was complicated. By 16, Kelli had left her parents’ house, describing herself as a “wild child.” Her father urged her to join the military for discipline and structure. Though she originally planned to join the Air Force, fate intervened when a Navy petty officer answered her call—and her journey with the U.S. Navy began.
Why She Wrote Unconventional Grief
Kelli’s book was born out of personal pain. Her mother struggled with drug addiction and was often emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive. When her mother passed away, Kelli initially believed she was fine—there had been no emotional bond, no traditional mother-daughter relationship to mourn. She planned the funeral, handled arrangements, and thought she had escaped grief.
But three weeks later, grief hit her with a force she could not explain the day after her mother’s funeral. “I woke up and couldn’t breathe,” Kelli recalls. “It felt like a train had hit me. It wasn’t sadness for the loss—it was sadness for what I was robbed of. I had secretly prayed my mother would one day get clean and we’d have some kind of relationship. When she died, that possibility died too.”
She calls this unconventional grief—a mourning not of what was lost, but of what never was. For Kelli, the conflicting emotions of relief, guilt, and sorrow spiraled into darkness, even leading her to suicidal thoughts. But out of that pain came purpose. Her book gives voice to others who silently struggle with the same experience.
Why the Conversation Matters
“Unconventional grief is real,” Kelli insists. “It’s a conversation that wasn’t happening, but needs to. So many people are experiencing it and don’t even know it. They suppress it, thinking no one will understand. But people have to learn—it’s okay to not be okay.”
For Kelli, authenticity is the antidote. She encourages people to give themselves permission to feel, even when society insists parents must always be honored. “What do you do when your parent didn’t parent you properly? When they caused harm? There’s guilt, shame, and isolation. That’s why I’m having this bold conversation—because people need to know they’re not alone.”
Transforming Grief into Resilience
Kelli believes grief, when acknowledged, can be a catalyst for transformation. “Grief can empower you if you lean into it. You’re not the same person coming out of loss that you were going in. Stop trying to recreate your old self—discover who you are now.”
For her, therapy revealed that much of her drive to succeed was rooted in trying to “outdo” her mother. She pushed herself to overachieve—earning higher education, excelling at work, building a life her mother never had—as if proving a point. Over time, she realized that she truly loved these pursuits, but now she embraces them from a place of health, not revenge.
Today, Kelli prioritizes balance, health, and well-being, learning to live with ease rather than obligation.
Her Greatest Challenge and Greatest Joy
Kelli openly shares that balancing motherhood with her career and grief journey was her toughest challenge. Yet, her greatest accomplishment is her son, now a senior at Louisiana State University. “He’s everything I could hope for—intelligent, mature, loving, decisive, and a leader. My ex-husband and I co-parented well, and I’m so proud of the man he’s becoming. When I leave this world, I know he’ll make an incredible impact.”
Kelli’s Legacy
When asked what she hopes the world remembers about her, Kelli answers without hesitation:
“That I was one of the most authentic human beings that ever lived. I lived and breathed authenticity. I wasn’t afraid to have the hard conversations. I loved my son unconditionally. I was about wisdom, authenticity, and love.”
With Unconventional Grief: Grieving the Loss of a Less Than Perfect Parent, Kelli Ware has sparked a vital dialogue around a type of grief many quietly endure. Her story reminds us that healing begins with truth—and that on the other side of pain, resilience and purpose await.
Kelli Ware’s book is available now on Amazon.
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